


Funny how the mind works

by Wikkid



Series: Dead and back again - A Teen Wolf tale [1]
Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Character Death, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-08-13
Updated: 2013-08-13
Packaged: 2017-12-23 09:49:35
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 686
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/924916
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Wikkid/pseuds/Wikkid
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Stiles' POV from the end of 3x11 - Alpha Pact</p>
            </blockquote>





	Funny how the mind works

Dying wasn't something he ever thought he'd pick apart, but apparently Stiles' mind was the kind to keep going until it couldn't anymore. He found himself comparing it to all the panic attacks he'd ever had. The inability to breathe, the way his pulse sped up until he could feel it in his fingertips. The way it was like all he could focus on was the absolute worst of everything; how much pain he was in, every bad scenario that could possibly happen, how much everything was his fault. Dying was surprisingly different. 

Yes, there was pain. His lungs were screaming for air the longer he stayed submerged, the darkness behind his lids filling with spots and splashes of color that throbbed with each slowing beat of his heart. It was like he was watching a firework display celebrating the end of his life. The chill of the water had seeped its way into his bones, numbing him so that he couldn't feel his pulse in his body like he could during a panic attack. It was so much more _muted_ than when the fear and anxiety clawed at him. The reality of death was less of a bang and more of a slow slip into somewhere dark, somewhere slow and where time didn't matter. The pain of his oxygen starved lungs was more of an annoyance now than anything he should really be concerned with.

That part of his mind that he kept locked up, the part that thought about his mother took the opportunity to pipe up while Stiles' control was lessened. It made him wonder if this was what his mom had felt. Was this the kind of death she'd had? This slow surrender that she knew was coming, that she finally just submitted to? He hoped it was, because this wasn't so bad. This was like crashing into a wall after his medication wore off and he'd been pushing himself too hard to try to make up for whatever lost time he'd been struggling to play catch up with. Exhaustion covered him like a blanket, almost warming him in spite of the icy water. He tried to wiggle his fingers, but the effort seemed like too much bother.

He thought about his dad. For his sake, he hoped this worked. If he didn't come back... if he couldn't pull himself out of that darkness, he hoped his dad wouldn't be too pissed at him. Scott would take care of him. He knew that much. He might not make it back, but Scott would. Scotty would keep an eye on his dad, make sure he didn't eat too much crap food and wind up with high cholesterol, wouldn't get a heart attack too young, wouldn't wind up working too late. He might have to keep an eye on him for a bit if Stiles... if he didn't wake up. He didn't think his dad would hit the bottle too hard because of him, not like he had with his mom, but Scott would make sure he was okay. Scott would do that.

His heartbeat had slowed to the point where he was waiting for there not to be a next beat, the throb of colors behind his eyes dimmed to a muted and feeble pulse with each dragged out beat. Tha-dump. Blue, like the sky he'd never look up at again. Like the way Derek's eyes had blazed before they'd gone red. Like the pastel blankets at the hospital that covered his mother. Tha-dump. Green, like the stains that ground into his clothes he'd always gotten in trouble for. Like Lydia's eyes when she smiled.. Tha-dump. Red, like blood. Like the glowing eyes of every Alpha. Like the color pain would be if it was visible. Pain, like he felt now. One last wrenching twist in his lungs, in his head, in his heart as there were no more beats to come. As death came up to grin while wrapping its arms around him and pulling him down into the closest thing to an embrace he'd feel before he felt nothing at all.


End file.
